What inspired me to write today was my observation of how finding ONE - if not TWO - people (outside my world of close friends and family) has totally shaped my life. Let's talk about them a little bit.
Person Number ONE.
I met him because I essentially stalked him - thank you internet! - and then ever since our first meeting I have held a sense of deep curiosity about him. It is like a little angel has been sitting on my shoulder and occasionally whispering, "Notice him. How does he do things? What can you learn?" Why the Universe seems concerned that I notice him I don't really understand all that well, but he has certainly shifted some major points-of-thinking in the last month!First shift - my thinking that manipulation is completely and utterly evil. About 3-4 months ago I took this 'personality test' called a CVI and with it I received a report that talked about strengths and weaknesses of individuals who tend to score in the range I did. I'm not going to talk about the strengths (though coming up with ideas IS one of them ;-) ), instead I will talk about one of the weaknesses which is... manipulation. Yep! And of course I have spent almost my whole life in fear and concern that I am manipulating people; I don't want to! It's wrong; it's not nice; people will hate you for it, etc, etc, etc. That was my internal thought script. Or, was it?
My husband and I go have coffee with this man and we get to talking about the CVI because one of the things that comes forth in conversation is how similar we are - we being this man and I and I am sitting there shocked that he suggests it - when he asks me, "What is the worst thing someone can say to you?" I pause and think. I want it to be a very honest answer because I know he is someone who really cares to hear it when I hear my Grandmother's voice in my head, "You don't really mean any of what you say or do. You are just manipulating people to get what you want. You aren't genuine at all - you're selfish." Hearing this I feel a sensation as if the floor buckled a bit and I look at him and say, "Manipulation" He replies (paraphrased), "I manipulate people all the time. I don't do it to be mean or with selfish intent. I can see things others can't and I know that I have to sometimes help people want to get there for them to get there. It is not to harm them, it is out of love. I see in them what they sometimes can't see in themselves." His words touched me like a warm hug - he acknowledged me and validated me in a way I don't think anyone else could. He understood me and said, 'It's okay.'
Second shift - don't do it by yourself. I don't know how I never really saw this in the first place, and yet truth is - I knew this yet with the extent to which he helped me see it - a whole new view of my vision came to light. At the same coffee meeting my husband and I asked him, "How did you grow your business?" and he said, "I had others do what I am not good at. I am not good at details so I let others do that. I know what I AM good at so I focus on that and lets others do the rest."
I am learning how to see what I am good at and how to acknowledge that I need, and want, people who are better than me at the things that are not my strengths. What has happened is a shift in how I view the vision of what I want to do in this world and I have found a new sense of possibility and excitement. I am ready to be part of a team that sees no bounds!
Person Number TWO
She started out being someone I only 'agreed' to work with. I had a deep sense that something was waiting to be unveiled and I had a suspicion that she would start the process of uncovering it, but I was certain there were other things more important to do and she didn't seem to 'fit the bill' for what I thought needed work. However, she had background as a couples therapist and that is certainly what we really needed. Whether I liked the idea or not. She knew this and while she told us what to do each and every time we met with her, I think she was waiting for us to realize what really needed to happen in order for our vision to become a reality. Then it began to happen - the shift.Over and over I tried things a little bit in my own way, thinking, 'I firmly believe in what I believe and gosh darn it - she will just have to see it. My husband will just have it see it' What I didn't see until now is that she DID see it and what she wanted ME to see is what was really there; not some idea that could blow away in the next wind change. What was it? Me.
She stayed there in every uncomfortable moment, despite her own challenges of new success and achieving goals, and witnessed me find something I was often too embarrassed to acknowledge - my voice. My voice isn't perfect and it can certainly use some tuning and grace, yet it feels more comfortable than it ever has in my entire life.
She did a lot by challenging me to re-think things I brought to her; to look at how my husband was my perfect partner is helping me achieve my goals; how the business needed me in significant ways (so find your confidence and voice! No more hiding!); and through her ability to witness and validate others I became more of what she saw all along - Me.
Put the Two Together and you get...
An incredibly grateful heart!
Watching Dale Lovett and learning how he chooses to exist in the world, watching how he treats others and learning why, and seeing him say things that I have been trying to say my whole life, "... it begins and ends with how we treat each other." seems to help me feel like it is okay to be me in a way I haven't felt in eons.
Being coached by Kaya Singer has brought me into a sense of myself and into a greater appreciation of my husband and his skills. She has literally awaken our business. She has done more than awaken our business - she has awaken our relationship.
Thank you Dale and thank you Kaya for being part of an incredible shift in my life. No matter what happens and no matter where I go - I will carry you in my heart.