Asking - why is it so hard?

Are you worth asking for?

It started almost two weeks ago.  It started with someone telling me that I could, and should, talk in a workshop about positive communication.  I retorted that I did not know enough (when comparing myself to all the great Coaches, Therapists, and well known authors and speakers) and they replied, "I've been sitting here just listening and observing - yes, you do."  Then my sis, to whom I had been speaking with, pipes up and talks about all the different ways of teaching oneself.  Later I go home and research how to become a family coach...

I find the training program I believe I want to do, only problem - it is over $3k.  On a debt-free plan this means if it can't be paid with cash - it don't happen.  Period. 

Couple days later I have a great coffee date with an Executive Coach and I tell her this mini-story and laughingly throw-out, "Someone recommended that I do a 'GoFund Me' campaign, but I don't like asking people for help.  I could never do that!"  (Hahahaha...)  She chuckles with me for a micro-second before looking at me with a curious and intense look, then says seriously, "That is it!  You don't like to ask because you don't believe you are worth it!"  Say what??!!

She chats a bit about this with me and even asks me to try a 'Tapping' exercise, which proves to be hard to do.  (Guess she was right.)  We part ways and for days I consider this and repeat the words she gave me, 'I am worthy.'  Now the thing is - I have these words in my home.  I have them written down in my journal(s).  Repeating them is no problem for me!  But, what happened is the words went into a metamorphosis and changed into something of their own, it became: 'I am worth asking for.'  Holy sheesh!!  Now that brought bucket loads of ugly stuff...  yuck!!!

Feeling overwhelmed with it I sat down and wrote; wrote it all out.  However it must not have been enough because HERE I AM WRITING AGAIN.  (Actually I was triggered to extreme discomfort by asking others for help... )  This business of asking goes way back, like infancy back.  Depending on our soul, spirit, family of origin, etc. it can be some serious shit.  Well what I think I learned in writing is that somehow I decided, or was unconsciously told, that I was not worth enough to ask for.  AND I was not worth enough to receive for.

Well, I have put two-and-two together and concluded that 1) feeling not worth asking for and/or receiving for is totally not the way it was meant to be for a.n.y.o.n.e.  We are not here to feel like that, we have too much to do!  Let's heal that stuff!!  2) building a business, accomplishing a goal, making a difference in the world all involve a lot of asking.  Asking the Universe/God/Presence/Great Spirit for direction, blessings, etc and asking people for help.  If we don't believe that we ARE WORTH ASKING FOR - our 'ask' has no real power.  If we don't believe that we ARE WORTH RECEIVING FOR - our 'response' to our 'ask' will wait just outside our invisible bubble of 'not worthy'.  And we will just cry in frustration and pain because we believe we haven't been heard...  No, we were heard.  Did we believe we were worth receiving it for????

My bucket load of ugly stuff will take some time, some love, some resolve, and some serious courage to get through, but I vow to do it.  I didn't come here broken, I let myself believe I was broken, and what I got to do is TOO BIG to let any sense of brokenness keep it from getting done. 

What about you??  When you believe that you are worth asking for?  Worth receiving for?  What would happen in your life?